Just
when you thought Ebay couldn’t get any stranger,
I am pleased to announce that the Ebay freak show has
outdone itself yet again! The following auctions are actual
proof that the mentally disturbed do indeed have Internet
access and that EVERYONE ON EBAY HAS LOST THEIR FUCKING
MINDS. The world has clearly spiraled into the dark pit
of madness, and Ebay has chosen to exploit that to the
highest degree. Please read on.
 TITLE:MALE
TESTICLES FOR TOTAL REMOVAL, INCLUDING THE SACK
LISTED: 10/14/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $23,738.00
Oh, thank goodness…. it’s INCLUDING
the sack! Wait a second, is this madman actually wiling
to have his balls cut from his body? Why, yes he is. Not
only that, but he wants the winner of this auction to
do it for him! He also mentions that they are “large”,
and he prefers to have the removal done in late November/early
December. Just in time for the holidays! Although he claims
that financial hardship has caused him to do this, I’m
fairly sure this guy is just a nutcase. Get it….
NUTcase?
NOTE:
eBay has since removed this item.
 TITLE:
SPIRET
DWELLER OF THE MOTHER NATURE
LISTED: 10/15/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $175.00
This is an excerpt of the auction’s description.
Fuck if I know what it means. “This is a one of
a kind find that I have found. I would take it with me
after I have gone if I could. Since I can't, I need for
it to be seen at least and or even of shared by another.
I found this fossil rock high upon an Allegany mountain
about 8 years ago, I looked down and said , "Oh theres
me in the woods", but when I painted the face I realized
it was someone else, *An Old Wise Spirit with a Strong
Hold To His Foundation* are my thoughts towards it. I
painted his left hand holding a natural indented triangle/pyrimid
with the color gold. I have had the opportunity over the
8 years to change his clothes coloring but believe that
this is what it is.” Wow.
 TITLE:
MUMMIFIED
CAT
LISTED: 10/6/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $100.00
This cat is really, really dead. We’re talking,
forty years dead. Apparently, the seller found it under
a corn picker in a barn, and figured it would make a nice
addition to someone’s home. And with Christmas right
around the corner, your children can finally have that
pet they’ve been asking for.
TITLE: NEO-STEEL
FEMALE CHASTITY BELT
LISTED: 10/11/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 2
CURRENT PRICE: $104.00
This is the real deal. Nobody’s getting in when
you have this sucker on. The odd thing about this auction
is not the fact that someone is selling a chastity belt,
but more the fact that it states; “this can be used
as a planter, if you want.” How??? Please tell me
how.
 TITLE:
BIRTHDAY
FOR SALE…INCREDIBLE DEAL!!!
LISTED: 10/11/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $10,000
BUY IT NOW PRICE: $25,000
What an “incredible” deal. For thousands upon
thousands of dollars, you too can get a certificate saying
that some loser sold you his own birthday! Not only that,
but he’ll even send you the crappy cards and birthday
gifts he gets EVERY YEAR. What better way to say, “fuck
you” to your friends and family then to sell the
presents they buy for you? Happy birthday!
 TITLE:
REAL
PRISON/INSANE ASYLUM ESCAPE KIT—USED
LISTED: 10/14/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $101.11
This
pathetic little gem contains a “prisoner made”
grappling hook w/rope, a map of Atlantis, and a cardboard
sign for hitchhiking that reads, “NEED RIDE PLEASE,
WON’T KILL YOU”. It also comes cleverly disguised
in discreet packaging that reads, “This is NOT a prison
escape kit!” Although this auction was clearly made
as a joke, the real humor is in the fact that someone expects
to sell it for $100. Good one!
View
full sized image
 TITLE:
A
MAN, A FRIEND, A DATE, ETC.
LISTED: 10/12/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $100.00
Meet Jim. He’s a twenty-one year old Scorpio who
enjoys trivia, cats, tacos, and alcohol. He is offering
to go on two dates with you, in return for your well-earned
money. Jim has grown tired of spending his paycheck on
hookers, and now feels that the world owes him a refund.
His auction reads that his services are “only available
in the Georgia area…sorry!” Oh, Jim…you
have no idea how sorry you are.
 TITLE:
LEATHER
SLAVE HOOD WITH GAG AND BLINDFOLD
LISTED: 10/16/05
NUMBER OF BIDS: 0
CURRENT PRICE: $99.95
This item includes a “SNAP-ON LEATHER DEPRIVATION
BLINDFOLD” and a “1 ½ INCH BALL GAG”,
and is sure to meet all of your torture needs! However,
it is also mentioned that the facial area is lined with
smooth, soft leather for “comfort”. Because,
as we all know, a comfy slave is a happy slave.
ARE
YOU IN A VIOLENT RAGE BECAUSE WE’VE LISTED YOUR
PRECIOUS AUCTION? SEND US THE HATEMAIL WE RIGHTFULLY DESERVE!!
Jenny
October 18th, 2005
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