Allow
me to begin by first stating that the true horror of this
movie is the shame I feel for renting it. For that is
four dollars that will never be returned.
Apparently, Ehren Kruger (writer of the Ring one &
two), was having one of those weekends where you just
sit around the house watching movies all day. He started
with “Poltergeist”, followed by “Requiem
for a Dream”, “the Exorcist”,
“the Sixth Sense”, and ended his
marathon with “Jumanji”. He may have
sat for a moment, contemplating how he could possibly
combine all of these films into one completely unnecessary
sequel, and then he proceeded to write the screenplay
for the Ring 2 .
The Ring 2 picks up right where the first one left off.
Actress Naomi Watts (star of such cinematic masterpieces
such as Children of the Corn IV: the Gathering,
and Babe: Pig in the City) is still trying desperately
to learn how to act, while actor David Dorfman (in the
role as her somewhat possessed son, Aiden) is working
hard at being overly creepy. This movie is practically
a parody of itself; the script is poorly written, and
the commercial-worthy acting is unintentionally humorous.
Fortunately, if you’re looking for a walk down memory
lane, this is the film to watch. Do you miss the “I
see dead people” kid (Sixth Sense)? Here,
you can find a mildly annoying version of him! Or, perhaps
you sometimes wonder whatever happened to that angry refrigerator,
seemingly having a mind of it’s own (Requiem
for a Dream)? Why, it ended up in the Ring 2! Carol
Anne’s static filled television set (Poltergeist)
makes a cameo appearance, while the demonic possession
made popular in the Exorcist is shamelessly copied,
as well! While the argument can be made that all horror
flicks tend to be based on inspiration from past classics,
I almost forgot to mention the most entertaining rip-off
of them all. Remember the unrealistic, computer-generated
herds of animals in Jumanji? I recall that they
almost had a cartoon like quality, but were basically
inoffensive, due to the fact that the target audience
for such a film was something like, age four. However,
when you create a herd of CGI deer, and then
include said deer into an visually insulting scene (where
they are surrounding a car, smashing their bodies through
the windshield, in an attempt to murder all passengers),
one begins to feel as though the creators of the movie
have essentially given up on trying to make a remotely
watchable sequel, and only have hopes of capitalizing
off of the success of the original.
Sure, there are plenty of the reasons to dislike this
film, for instance the abundance of sub-plots that are
incomprehensibly ridiculous (a social worker commits suicide
with a syringe filled with lethal poison, that is conveniently
stored next to a child’s hospital bed; or the fact
that none of the medical staff find it odd that young
Aiden’s body temperature is running five degrees
lower than that of someone suffering hypothermia). But
why focus on such mediocre mistakes; when the movie, as
a whole, is such an enormous catastrophe?
Unlike the video represented in the Ring 2, viewing this
film won’t lead to your death. Unfortunately, after
wasting two full hours of your life watching it, you may
wish that it did.
Jenny
August 25th, 2005
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