DARKNESS: a horror movie for those of us with
A.D.D.
For starters, I’ll give all the “positive
aspects” of this movie, before tearing it apart.
Fortunately, there are only a few:
Decent cinematography. Had the camera work/lighting been
used in a film with, say, a plot...or bearable acting,
it would have been far more greatly appreciated.
There are a few typical creepy “horror movie”
special effects. However, these effects have been blatantly
ripped off from past classics, dating as far back as fifteen
years ago; and are, in no way shocking, scary, or worth
the cost of renting this movie.
It is only 83 minutes long. This is a plus, and I feel
they could have actually done it in much less of the time,
for a much lower cost, and with much less aggravation
for the viewing audience.
Those are all the positives. For those of you that care,
I’ll try to explain the storyline (or lack thereof),
and why I hate this movie.
“Darkness” is, apparently, an American remake,
written and directed by Jaume Balaguero, known for several
Spanish films. Due to the fact it was originally set in
Spain, the makers of this movie decided to set this version
in Spain as well, but for no good reason. The entire cast
(including extras, passers-by on the street, and everyone
else) speaks only fluent English at all times. Answering
their phones, yelling out on the sidewalk for help, it
doesn’t matter they were born and raised in Spain…they
only speak English. This only adds to the unrealistic
quality of “Darkness”. There is no reason
to cast American extras if a movie is shot in another
country. But this is the least of our problems. This film
is painfully slow, very poorly acted (think: School Play),
overly dramatic, and SO cliché, it’s unbelievable.
There were at least three scenes that were such obvious
rip-offs of “The Shining”, I almost can’t
believe a lawsuit wasn’t involved. The holes in
the plot are constant, the predictable nature of the movie
is there from beginning to end, and then there are the
parts that simply don’t make sense. Here are a few
examples, for those of you that don’t mind me spoiling
all the “surprises”:
Little brother keeps waking up with black eyes, welts,
bruises, etc…claiming the spirits of the dead children
haunting the house are beating him. His mother (who is
apparently fully aware they just moved into a house where
all these kids got murdered), is all, “Huh, he must
have fallen again”, despite her daughter suggesting
she should look into the fact the kid’s all beat
up.
 Older
daughter has been trying to solve a 20 year old murder
case. With just one trip to the library, she’s almost
gotten all the clues. As ridiculous as that seems, it
gets worse. She heads over to Grandpa’s place, and
realizes that for the past two decades, he’s had
newspaper clippings posted on his bulletin board of all
the kids he killed a few decades back. IN HIS LIVING ROOM.
Meanwhile, her father has been trying to figure all this
out for just about his entire life. What a shame nobody
noticed Grandpa was a crazed lunatic. So, the maniacal
old man gags and ties his Granddaughter to a chair, rants
insanely about how she’s the next victim for a couple
minutes, catches her boyfriend trying to sneak in to save
her, injects him with something that knocks him out cold
in the hallway, and then…let’s her go??? What?
Wasn’t his devious plan just unmasked? Why had he
set her free? Of course, there is no answer. To make matters
worse, we never see Grandpa again. Let’s just assume
he’s out killing again. The final twenty minutes
of the film involve the girl and her family, trapped in
their home (all the doors have become mysteriously locked,
so clearly…no one can get out), and being deceived
by the hallucinatory images of….demons?…..ghosts?…the
undead? Hell, who cares, it’s never explained! There
is good news though…everyone dies at the end! Although,
even that is a little unclear as well, but I would like
to think that’s the way it happened.
Don’t buy it, don’t rent it, don’t try
to explain it to me. Thanks.
Jenny
May 24th, 2005
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