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Brown Bunny

Vincent Gallo is an attention whore

How do you turn a five-minute porn flick into a controversial hour and a half long “artistic” film? In the case of Vincent Gallo's Brown Bunny , you simply do the following:

  • Create a film with little to no dialogue…replacing the need for a script with close-ups of your unshaven, strung out face. Look pained.
  • Buy an 8mm camera and have a buddy film you, wordlessly journeying westward for…oh, about an hour.
  • Make sure all of the film school dropouts, and artsy film community types hear Roger Ebert call your film, “the worst movie in Cannes history”. This will cause all of those misunderstood posers to want to “rebel” against the conforming critics, and see your haunting, emotional masterpiece.
  • Convince Chloe Sevigny (of “Boys Don't Cry” and “Kids” fame) to date you just long enough to give you an actual blowjob, in your latest achievement.
  • Make sure the aforementioned oral sex scene is the VERY LAST SCENE in the movie, so that your audience is forced to watch your endlessly boring, self-indulgent ego trip for a full 88 minutes before they are finally allowed to see the poorly lit porn scene.

I honestly wanted to like this movie. Vincent Gallo has been a favorite of mine since “Buffalo ‘66”, and I always liked and respected him as a director/writer/actor. I didn't expect quite as much from the recently released “Brown Bunny”, especially having heard all the controversy surrounding the (NOT simulated) oral sex scene, but I was more then willing to give it a fair shot. Having heard such rave reviews about the “film” (and I use that word loosely), I went into it with an open mind, awaiting to see this “haunting, deep, significant tragedy” that everyone was speaking of. The only “tragedy” here is the fact that Gallo is so self obsessed, he actually believes that someone could enjoy sitting through a movie that easily could pass as a home video of a road trip. I would explain the plot, but there is none. I have nothing positive to even report on Vincent Gallo's penis, or Chloe Sevigny's skills at giving head. I sympathized not with the main character's “pain filled existence”, only with my own… as I wasted a full 93 minutes of my life, that can never be returned.

I will end this review the same way Gallo ended his sex scene…with a cheap shot: There was only one thing “deep” in this movie…Gallo's dick in Sevigny's mouth. Send all hate mail to Jonny O.

May 17th, 2005