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Grand Opening of the Knotted Balloon!(advertisement)

Editors Note: Due to lack of funding and initiative, Defining Moment Online has been forced to take advertising dollars to quench its staff's unending thirst for top shelf bourbon, fine cigars, and strong drugs. We, however, will only accept ads from clients of the highest caliber and who we feel speak to the interests of our typical reader, as you will see from the following advertisement. Yes... we sold out. If you have a problem with that then you can go fuck yourself.

You are invited to the grand opening of THE KNOTTED BALLOON!

Your one stop shop for all things anal! Impress your friends! Wow your enemies! Abuse your pets!!

You don't need to shop anywhere else but here!

We carry brand name buttplugs and designer ass lube! Great for all occasions. Always wanted anal beads shaped liked your favorite cartoon character? We carry the entire Garfield and Mickey Mouse line!!!

Here are some comments from our valued customers:

"I used to suffer from constant rectal bleeding due to my self mutilating habit of shoving things up my ass. Then I bought some lube at THE KNOTTED BALLOON and not only was it affordably priced... it tastes fucking awesome!!"

- Theodore Danson

"Being a woman, it can be somewhat intimidating walking into an ass sex store to buy a full size fisting dildo. The staff at THE KNOTTED BALLOON knew their stuff and made me feel comfortable... that is until I tried out my new purchase!!!"

- Renee Zellweger

Don't forget to buy all your anal necessities at... THE KNOTTED BALLOON!!!

This coupon is valid for 20% off all anal beads.